A Modern-Day Job

Lately I find myself wondering about why I'm being picked on.  Of all the people in the unvierse that God created, why have I been cast this lot in life?  It seems like as soon as one tragedy ends another one begins and sometimes I just want to throw my hands up and say "I just can't take it anymore."  I long for days when everything feels right, normal . . . when I'm not worrying about life or death or the uncertainty in between.  Somebody tell me, what's that like?  What's it like to have all your plans succeed?  Or to wake up each day knowing that your dad doesn't have brain tumors and will live to see another day?  What's it like to not carry the burdens of everyone else around you and be their strength when you're grasping to find strength of your own?  Tell me, what's that like?  Sometimes I'm so empty that I cannot even find the words to pray.

I'm reminded of a little-known character in the Old Testament Bible by the name of Job.  As you are already aware, Job was a man of great wealth and success.  He had everything he needed/wanted in life at his fingertips.  Health, wealth, good fortune . . . he had it all.  Then one day, Satan strikes up a conversation with God after prowling around the earth looking for someone to devour.  And God, in His righteous wisdom, offers up His servant Job to him.  "Then the Lord said to Satan, 'Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.'"  Satan accepts that challenge and countless times Job is put to the test.  God allows Satan to strip Job of everything - his entire family, all his possessions, his health - all over the course of a few days.  Through it all, Job remains righteous, blameless, and upright.  And as a result of his faithfulfulness, God, once again, found favor with Job and blessed him beyond measure at the end of his testing.

It's in times like these - when we lose our baby, when my dad is lied up in an ER in Raleigh just trying to survive - when I feel like a modern-day Job.  It's hard not to see the forrest for the trees.  In other words, it's easier to focus on the trial instead of the blessing.  Sometimes we're so consumed by the trial that we cannot begin to recognize the blessing that awaits us on the other side.  And I'm not so sure we can ever really know what awaits us there, but we can at least find rest in knowing that God's journey will never lead to destruction, rather to salvation.  While I so often feel like I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, I can find peace in knowing that God's love will carry me (and my mom, and my dad, etc.) through that trial straight into victory.

I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring; but if my tragic circumstances are a result of God's favor with me, then for now, that's something I can hold on to.

Stop and Consider . . . Wait and Watch . . .

Dedication: To my dear friends, Meghan, Jennifer, and Susan . . . this one goes out to you. 

We all have choices to make.  Each day we make decisions that range from as small as what outfit to wear to work that day to as big as whether or not it's time to have a baby or buy a new home.  Some decisions come easy, while others require some assistance.  So I ask you, in those times of uncertainty, where do you go for your assistance?  Or better yet, maybe the question should be, where should we go for our assistance?

This morning's Bible time was very enlightening for me.  I've been on hiatus it seems from actually sitting down and reading the Bible ever since the miscarriage.  Can't exactly pinpoint why, I just couldn't bring myself to open the Word and read it.  I experienced God in different ways during that time, primarily through worship and prayer, but there was something about the Truth that lay before me in the open pages of God's Word that intimidated me a little.  So it's been collecting dust on my sofa table for a few weeks now (I'm ashamed to say).  But this morning I awoke with a hunger for the Word.  Nothing has recently transpired in my life to make me crave it (ie. circumstance, decisions, etc.), I think it was just God's gentle prodding on my heart reminding me that He is in there and it was time to come back to Him, one on one.

I've been reading all about the life of Paul in my Bible time.  Chris gave me a fantastic devotional for my bday last year by Beth Moore from her Personal Reflections Series entitled Paul: 90 Days on His Journey of Faith.  This morning's chapter was appropriately entitled "Change of Plans" . . . hmm . . . "have I experienced that lately?" I thought to myself . . . I digress.

The truth is, we all experience a change of plans from time to time in some capacity.  The question is, what do we do when encountered with those situations?  Beth (and Paul) reminded me this morning that one of the beautiful reasons why God has placed His Spirit inside of us is to help lead us in areas of obedience to Christ.  Unfortunately, in our struggle with humanity, we don't always recognize His leadership.  So here are some suggestions to help us recognize, react, and respond to the prompting of the Holy Spirit when faced with choices to make:

1. Study God's Word. It know it seems juvenile to even write that out, but it's true.  His Word is infallible and He will never lead us in any direction that is contrary to His written Word.
2. Yield to the Holy Spirit's control. In doing so, we remain pliable and surrendered to the possibility of change in our life.
3. Pray for Clear Leadership. According to Psalm 27:11, we can ask God to teach us His ways and lead us in a straight path.
4. Pray for Wisdom and Discernment to Recognize Specific Directions.  In Ephesians 1:17, Paul asked God to give believers a spirit of wisdom and revelation to know Him better.
5. Make Plans, but Hold On to Them Loosely.  Does anyone else have trouble with this one???  Maybe it's just the control freak in me, but when I go through the trouble of mapping out a plan, it's usually because there's a destination on the other side that I want to get to.  However, I am constantly reminded that my plans and God's plans will not always be the same, and His plans are better, so I should really just yield to His control instead.  It's good to have plans, but it's better to keep them open in order to allow God to move.
6. Learn to Recognize Peace as one of God's Prompters.  Verbatim: "A sense of peace will virtually always accompany His will and direction - even when the direction might not have been our personal preference.  On the other hand, a lack of peace will often accompany a mistaken path - even when the direction is definitely our personal preference.  His peace will accompany His authority."  Not sure there's anything to elaborate on there.  It's pretty cut and dry.  This is a concept, a truth really, that Chris and I have adopted in our marriage since the very beginning.  If we do not both feel an unmistakable peace about a decision we're getting ready to make, then we don't make it until we do.  A lot of people don't understand why/how we make the decisions we do, but we're not in the business of appeasing others with our decisions, we're in the business of opening ourselves up to God's will and purpose with each decision, and that's enough for us.

I hope this list above serves as a reminder that when faced with decisions, we are simply called to yield ourselves to the work of the Holy Spirit and open ourselves comepletely to the control of God, and then let Him do the rest while we sit back and wait for that peace that passes all understanding.

As Beth perfectly summarizes, "And when I am unsure about Your specific directions, may I be willing to wait for You, knowing that You give us our food at the right time.  And when You give it to us, we gather it; when You open Your hand, we are satisfied with good things (Ps. 104:27-28)."

So when you're faced with decisions, don't just settle for what you think the end result should be, patiently wait for what is guaranteed to be the best result (which is even more than you can fathom).