An Unexpected Surprise

As many of you are aware, last week should have been one of the happiest of our lives.  On Tuesday, September 7th, are baby should have been born into this world.  It was a bittersweet day to say the least.  A lot of memories and old feelings bagan to flood my mind as I wrestled with the reality that I would not be meeting my baby boy/girl that day.  Remembering the loss of our baby naturally flowed right in to remembering the loss of my dad.  I remember so clearly the moment we told him the news and his reaction was exactly how I had imagined it to be.  And it broke my heart all over again realizing once more that I'll never have that opportunity to do over with him again.  I remember telling Chris that on the day our child is born (in the future), it will be the very best and very worst day of my life at the same time.  The idea of raising my family without him makes me weep uncontrollably and it's a hurt that is so vast it may never fully go away.  He told me once that he used to spend hours upon hours praying and crying out to God on our behalf for the child we so desperately longed for.  It pains me to no end that he'll never know (on this side of heaven) that his prayers were not in vain.  However, God heard his cries and saw fit to bless us once again . . .

On Thursday, August 25th, we received a phone call in the evening confirming that all of our adoption paperwork had been finalized and our phase 1 payment had been submitted and received on our behalf.  We were given the green light to go full-steam ahead at that point.  The media team would be contacting us within days and the race towards our baby had officially begun.

However, as is only fitting for the Lord's ironic and unpredictable timing, we were informed on Friday morning that we would be having a baby of our very own.  That's right, we are pregnant!  There are not enough words to express the sheer confusion and shock we felt in that moment.  Could this be real?  Was I reading that test correctly?  As I stood there, leaning over my bathroom sink, test in hand . . . I started shaking uncontrollably and at once I could not breathe.  I called Chris right away (at 7:30am on a Friday morning).  He was at Bible Study but he chose to answer his phone anyways b/c he knew it must be important if I was calling him in the middle of that.  I don't remember ever even saying hello, I just cried out the phrase "we're pregnant" and began sobbing like a baby!  As I sat there on the edge of my bed, shaking like crazy, my husband on the other end of the phone just started laughing!  WHAT?!  I did not find this to be one of those "humorous" moments.  Chris just found it fitting that God would choose to bless us once again at the exact same time we were approved for our adoption.  He said that we are now one of "those" couples who fall into that cliche.  I scheduled an appointment with the doctor that morning and the blood test came back postive!

Yesterday we experienced our first ultrasound with this pregnancy.  I had been feeling a lot of symptoms for weeks now, but I was still uncertain about what this ultrasound would reveal to us.  But the Lord was good and we were able to see our baby perfectly nestled away exactly how/where it was supposed to be.  And by sheer surprise, we heard the heartbeat as well!  It measured at 119 bpm which is a very strong and healthy rate.  That moment just overtook us completely and we sat in that room with tears in our eyes embracing our child for the very first time.

As we prepared to leave the doctor's office, my sweet doctor, whom I have been seeing for 4 years now, informed us that I would be transitioning out of her care (as my specialist) and into the care of my OB/GYN.  This news may have made me cry even more than hearing the heartbeat of my child - lol!  I didn't realize it would be so soon and I wasn't prepared for that yet.  So it's bittersweet for sure, but it's also a relief to know that she is confident enough in the viability of this pregnancy to turn me over to another team of doctors.  But I will forever be grateful for all she has been to us over the last 4 years.

And now, for the LONG awaited baby's "first" picture . . .

we'd like to introduce you to our baby!



Baby Harrell, 6 wks 6 days

 You can follow our progress on our new baby blog: And Baby Makes 3

8-Year Wedding Anniversary

Yesterday marked 8 years of marriage to the man I love!  We are so thankful to have persevered through the last 8 years together.  As we sat down to enjoy a celebratory meal last night, we recounted all the trials we've had to work through since the day we got married.  Truthfully speaking, we were pleased with ourselves for just getting beyond the first year! 

On August 2, 2003, we had every expectation that our new life together, which was just beginning, was sure to be a good one!  Just like every newlywed couple, we couldn't wait to embark on this new phase of life together!  And while it has definitely proven to be the very best decision (outside of salvation) that we have ever made, it brought with it a lot of struggles as well.  If we add it all up, these last 8 years have primarily been the worst years of our lives.  From the very beginning, we've had to endure separation from our families (physically and emotionally), suicide, job losses, loneliness, brain tumors, infertility/adoption, miscarriage, beytrayal, and death (to list a few).  To anyone on the outside looking in, or to anyone without the hope of a Savior, it would almost have seemed like a sure fit for divorce during any one of these trials.  Emotionally speaking, it required more of us at any given time than we were capable of giving on our own.

This leads me to 2 thoughts: 1. the idea of commitment in a marriage is not a suggestion, or even a hope, but rather an absolute requirement; and 2. A (fulfilling) marriage without Christ is not attainable nor sustainable at all.

If we were married under the pretense that we could "get out" at any time, especially when the going gets tough, then there's no chance in this world that we would have celebrated 8 years of marriage yesterday.  But because we were married under the truth that this union is eternal, selfless, sacrificial, and a convenant we entered into with God Almighty, we had every reason to fight.  And if we hadn't spent the time intentionally growing together as a unit and growing individually in our relationships with the Lord, then the umbrella of commitment would have been that much harder to stand up under.  We had to really learn how to depend on each other to meet our respective needs, but we also had to learn that we can't base our marriage on each other's ability to meet those needs alone, it was up to the Father to be that ultimate fulfillment for us.  Which leads me into thought number 2 . . . 

If you are choosing to live for yourself, to seek love and fulfillment solely from a spouse, or derive daily hope from another human being, you will be let down in every possible way imaginable.  Christ's example of love for His church is the ultimate destination point for joy, fulfillment, hope, and peace in every circumstance.  There's no way Chris could have met every need for me after we lost our baby and my father in the span of 3 short months just earlier this year.  If I didn't have the relationship with the Lord that it required of me at the time, I can honestly say that I might not have made it through to the other side.  There were days when it seemed so dark that I thought I'd never see the light again.  But then, as faithfully as always, God whispered His strength into my heart and gently reminded me that this life is not our own and this place is not our home and the valley is only for a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things.  He would pull us up and choose to bless us as a result of our obedience to Him in our individual relationships but also as a result of the deliberate choices in our marriage.   Without the leadership and example of Christ in our life together, we could have never persevered through the struggles we've encountered along the way.

While these last 8 years have been a challenge, completely unpredictable in every way, I am eternally grateful for the lessons I have learned, the reminder of our complete dependence on God for everything, and the countless ways it has caused us to "grow up" and think beyond ourselves; to draw strength during our most difficult seasons from the the One who promises to be all things for us at all times if we just choose to turn to Him for everything in this life.

So "happy anniversary" to my man, Chris Harrell.  Thank you for choosing to follow after God with complete and total devotion and for leading our family in a way which pleases His heart and mine :)

enjoying dinner at The Capital Grille in Uptown Charlotte

dangit if I forgot to wear flats for our anniversary picture!