My "Thomas" Eyes

There's a great song out there by one of our favorite Christian bands (Caedmon's Call) entitled "Shifting Sand".  Embedded in this simple melody is a very memorable lyric boldly admitting a truth which I'm sure we've all been faced with before.  The lyric sings "I've asked You for some proof for my Thomas eyes to see." Allow me to expound upon the origin of that statement.

John 20: 19-29

Jesus Appears to His Disciples (post cruxifixion)
On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jewish leaders, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” After he said this, he showed them his hands and side. The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord . . .

Jesus Appears to Thomas
Now Thomas, one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!”   But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”  A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”  Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”  Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

Okay, I'll admit, sometimes I am like Thomas.  More than I'd care to publicly admit actually - especially lately.  But oftentimes it's far too easy to get caught up in the current tragedy that is your life rather than focus on intentional faith and belief.  My laundry list of recent devastations has weighed me down, about as far as I could possibly go, and the temptation there is to feel wounded and abandoned by God (and justifiably so) rather than uplifted by Him instead.  In my complete honesty, all I have been capable of doing these last few weeks is doubt God.  The overwhelming feeling of God removing His hand of mercy on my life has left me empty and weary and it was just too much effort to put up the fight.  So I chose to doubt.  My daily prayers of thanksgiving and petition turned into daily interrogations instead.  At one point, in my honest sincerity before the throne, I asked God why He has chosen to abandon me.  I literally uttered the words "I need proof for my Thomas eyes to see."  He could've chosen to respond by barrading me with the verses underlined above.  He could've beaten me up with scripture!  But instead, He softened my spirit and quietly whispered the story of Thomas into my ears.  He didn't have to answer my plea for proof . . . yet He did. 

With specific regard to one very intimate tragedy currently in my daily life, God chose to reveal Himself in a tangible way so that I wouldn't continue to believe the lies resounding in my head that my God had abandoned me.  And today, I awoke with a renewed sense of hope deep down in my spirit . . . a gentle reminder that I am not, in fact, all alone.  He hears me.  He loves me.  I am His child.  Like a father to his daughter, so am I to my Maker.  He will never leave me nor forsake me, He will uplift me with His mighty hand.  It's because of this truth that even in my weakest of moments, I get a little bit stronger . . .