I guess it's time for the official "baby" update. I realize that the title of this post can be a bit ambiguous and perhaps alarming, so allow me to clarify. As most of you are already aware, after losing our baby in January, our doctor advised that we should go through another 4 rounds of fertility treatments as my chances now (after having conceived naturally on my own) had significantly expanded (in my favor). From the very start I was uncomfortable with this approach. My thought was if the Lord can make it happen once, without anyone elses's help, He can surely do it again. However Chris wanted to give it one last "hoorah" so we could step back at the end of it and say that we gave it everything we had. I really couldn't argue with that, I certainly did not want to deny him the opportunity to have biological children, so I conceded and off we went down the road of fertility treatments once again. We made it through one procedure and sure enough, we failed. The whole time I had been wrestling with this idea of whether we should be doing this to begin with. I felt strongly that we had given this route our very best shot for so many years, but now it was time to just let it go. So, in an effort to try and convince my dear husband of the same logic, I asked him over dinner last Sunday (before we knew that the procedure had failed), if he would even reconsider the idea of foregoing the remaining 3 treatments and just move forward with our adoption plan instead? To my HUGE surprise (and relief), he quickly responded with a very confident "yes" and I almost could not believe my ears! He went on to share with me his recent experience with David Platt's "The Secret Church" and how attending that conference, just 2 nights prior, had radically changed his mindset about the whole thing and he was ready to pick back up with our plan to adopt. I was practically in tears (later, when I was alone, I just let it all out!). The news that I would no longer have to subject my body (and emotions) to this torment anymore was SO liberating and I felt at complete peace. It's like that final confirmation you're looking for when you know that God has laid something on your heart for a very specific reason. I believe that Chris and I were handpicked by God to offer love and care to children in this world who otherwise would be without and our hearts are extremely softened by this. I believe God has chosen to use us in a BIG way through this experience and that we are directly in the center of His perfect will for our lives. I believe that there are children out there somewhere in this world who are meant to be our sons/daughters and forever a part of this family.
So, all that to say, we can officially announce, with no more hesitation, that we are back to the original plan of adoption! Fortunately, during our temporary hiatus, I managed to keep all the adoption "stuff" I had collected over the last 2 years, so we could immediately pick back up where we left off. In case you have trouble remembering, our first attempt at adoption didn't go so well. We wanted desperately to adopt internationally, but it was clearly not the right thing for us at the time (all the doors kept slamming in our faces). So we attended a seminar with Bethany Christian Adoption Services almost 2 years ago. Once we left that meeting, we both knew 2 things: 1. we felt at peace with adopting domestically (we had some very real concerns going in), and 2. we wanted to adopt through BCAS. So that leads us to where we are now. I've had the application filled out and ready to go for 2 years (lol), and it is now time to send it in! My intention is to get that paperwork in the mail ASAP (so hopefully that translates into this week)!
I feel like we should go ahead and warn you that we have chosen to be very open and unconventional about this. Our goal is not to find a baby that will somehow, miraculously, look just like either one of us - or even like he/she belongs in our family. Our goal is to make it clear to the world that adoption is a beautiful gift from the Lord Himself, and our experience is for the sole purpose of making His name great to anyone and everyone we meet along the way. Yes, this means our child might be of a different race or nationality. But we welcome that "difference" with open arms and look forward to all the ways God will use it for His namesake and to His glory.
We are thrilled to be starting this journey (again) and hope that you will join us as we pray and seek to honor the Lord throughout this entire process (no matter how long or arduous it may be). Praise the Lord for His goodness to us - even in the ways we might not originally expect or plan for :)
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