Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Hold onto your pants Nancy - this puppy is gonna get awesome!

Hello World,

This is the voice of reason coming to you live from the Channel 4 Regional newsroom here in Concord. (That's Concord - not Conkerd - it sounds like it's spelled people). I have adorned the Burgundy Suit Coat of Inspiration and sit a top a tupperware container topped with a pillow - now I know what Mozart felt like. Those of you who frequent this blog hereafter to be known as "You Who View" or "You Viewers" may have noticed that the Harrell blog is a little one sided, some may say girly yet others say it has a touch of Communist China - nothing gets out of this place uncensored! Well this is a new day kids. If you Google the word "Awesome" this blog address will be on the top of the list - after the sponsored results of course. You can't go there there yet because the tide turns slowly but one day my good people you will be in Starbucks talking with complete strangers about what magnificent nugget of creative inspiration touched your life that morning. Some of you will be inclined to stop by and say "top of the mornin' to ya" before you even have your morning cup o' Joe. I cannot be held responsible for the failure of your marriage or the loss of your job due to your unquenchable need to know "what happened today?" with the Harrell's.

But this I can promise you America; I will not leave you stranded and we will stand together against the mediocrity of bloggers everywhere. If you vote for me I guarantee that you'll have cold water in every public water fountain, the mailman will come rain or snow, the Wolfpack will continue to dangle the carrot of excellence in front of you, and when you least expect it bring in the back-up QB and throw the game away. But most of all I promise not to leave you or forsake you. Greatness comes in ebbs and flows and though you may not glean daily the substance for life from this magnificent work of non-fiction literature I do commit to writing as often as the muses speak and not to give up. Just like my pledge to lose weight, clean out the garage and read more (real books with paper pages - not audio books on CD).

Ironically, my lovely co-anchor Melody is sitting behind me now in the bullpen (our home office) and she has no idea what I'm writing. It's exhilarating! I will not spell check any of my posts, will use improper verb tenses (tenses? is that right?) and will sprinkle seeds of punctuation - let them fall where they may (see "Parable of the Sower" Matthew 13:1). All aspects of formality will be thrown to the wind. This is raw magnificence people. This of course is the completely opposite side of the spectrum from what You Viewers expect. Melody now is behind me precisely measuring and cutting fabric as she sews; I think she probably spell checks her grocery list and she enjoys enlightening me to the true meanings of words I like to use at the wrong time ("When in Rome"). You may see an entire post of regurgitated inspiration at at other times you will see simple edits and add-ons in an attempt to maintain the balance of the universe and keep you the people, my people, properly informed.

Sign up now to receive e-mail update alerts and get in early because one day you're going to want to say "I was there" or "I remember exactly where I was the first time I read it" or "Do you remember that time...". Get ready for Christmas '09 and be looking for our new apparel line including T-shirts and lapel pins as well as the newest version of "Harrellopoly".

Gee, Brain, what are we going to do tonight?
The same thing we do every night, Pinky - try to take over the world!

Nanu Nanu

3 comments:

JVS said...

i am speechless...and i'm a pretty loquacious gal

and yet you have me intrigued so I guess i'm gonna have to come back for some more

can't wait!

love,
jvs

Courtney said...

Chris, you do realize that this thing lets people go in and edit... Melody is going to have a field day editing after you publish. hehehe

Anonymous said...

Melody - I'd check Chris' pockets for the Magic Mushrooms if I were you!